


the icarus to your certainty

by BisKitty



Series: a prayer for which no words exist [1]
Category: Granblue Fantasy (Video Game)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Blood and Gore, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, look this is a fix it fic but to get to the fix it there's gonna be a good amount of pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2020-01-15 05:53:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18492724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BisKitty/pseuds/BisKitty
Summary: “This will have to be enough,” he tenderly cupped Sandalphon’s face.These stolen moments in passing nightmares, waking up alone with the thought that one day, however long away, Sandalphon would leave that beautiful world to retire with Lucifer. If, somehow, he didn’t find more reasons to live in that world. If he didn’t find someone else who could actually journey by his side.Lucifer had failed his duty and died doing so. He couldn't hold Sandalphon back.





	1. told before and told again

**Author's Note:**

> so obviously 000 created a great need for fix it fic, and i really wanted to focus on exploring Lucifer's trauma so that he could actually get a chance to heal from it. 
> 
> when i realized it was canon that Sandalphon still had nightmares about Lucifer, I kind of leapt at this chance. Important note- the discussion at the table is actually taken/paraphrased from the game itself.
> 
> title of this fic and chapter taken from hozier's sunlight

In this realm between Life and Death, in this empty house surrounded by an illusory garden, in this stagnant realm untouched by time, Lucifer dreams. 

He finds himself in The Garden once more, light winding its way through the trees and decorating itself in dappled patterns that shift with the breeze. In the distance he can hear the sound of distant voices, making this place seem more like a home than it had in the last two thousand years. 

This dream is different, he can feel it in his bones.

“I thought you had given up on this. Has seeing him again gotten you this nostalgic?” the familiar voice of Not Lucilius interrupts his thoughts. Perhaps, this dream is not too different after all. 

And yet- Not Lucilius is entirely covered in shadow, with no shadow of his own on the grass (undisturbed despite the presence of his feet). This apparition supplied by his own mind doesn’t quite mesh with the garden around him. 

“And if I am?” 

Not Lucilius lets out a cold laugh. “You should know how foolish it is- there’s no point in indulging in these fantasies while you’re dead, this garden is no more, and your Sandalphon is no longer who he was then.” 

Lucifer glances to where the other voices in the garden are. 

“As if you have any right to interrupt, after all that you have done.”

Lucifer could’ve said that himself, he knows- “Even so, I can at least observe.” 

He pushes past the visage of Lucilius to head down the familiar paved stone path. He’d come down this way many times, with a pot of coffee and much more pleasant company. If he closed his eyes and tried not to make out the words, he could pretend, just for a moment, that there was another person right there with him, asking him if he could possibly assist with any of Lucifer’s needs. Not Lucilius’ steps are too clipped and purposeful to make the fantasy believable for too long. (he never did have time for pleasantries or lollygagging, there was always a higher goal, a higher purpose).

He stops himself at the threshold of the clearing, gazing upon a painfully familiar scene. 

Despite he himself standing at the edge of the clearing, shrouded in the gentle shade of the trees, a Lucifer sits at the table with Sandalphon across from him.

Lucifer can’t move from the spot, and Not Lucilius gives him a knowing look.

Across the grassy field, Sandalphon’s fingers tapped an impatient rhythm against his own thigh as the other Lucifer took a slow sip of coffee. 

Even two millennia later, Lucifer can remember the way the rich tang of the coffee mixed with the airy sweetness of the honeysuckle in the garden. The way the warmth of the cup radiated up his arm before he takes his first sip and lets the warmth spread its way from his core to the rest of his body. 

Coffee was never so sweet as when he shared it with Sandalphon. Even if Sandalphon’s brews were a little too sweet for his tastes, Lucifer truly savored every cup the other man had made him. He remembered the way Sandalphon’s face had scrunched up at his first cup- Lucifer tended to go for darker blends. And yet, Sandalphon never turned down an opportunity to share in the coffee. Now, belatedly, Lucifer knows Sandalphon was as starved for company as he was. Two thousand years later, he intellectually understands what his heart had already known- that food truly is the way to the heart, that there was something special about making nourishment for someone you truly cared for.

“It can’t compare to your brew, Lucifer-sama” 

Lucifer felt a matching smile grow on his face and could practically mouth along the old words to this old conversation.

“Such high standards”

“Not at all, I need more practice.”

“Then please, continue to invite me along. I’ll be happy to help”

The other Lucifer tries to hide his smile behind another sip of coffee- only for the cup to clatter to the floor, fingers hanging loose at his sides. 

Sandalphon’s eyes dart up to meet naught but a headless corpse. 

Lucifer feels as if his core could physically wrench itself from his chest (a feeling that wasn’t entirely a metaphor in his experience). The cry Sandalphon lets out reverberates with the palpitations in Lucifer’s chest.

The chair clatters behind him when he gets to his feet and takes a few steps back. But Sandalphon’s eyes cannot drag his eyes away from the sight in front of him- armor battered by two swift strikes, a neck that no longer holds a head, a body that used to be Lucifer but was no longer. Sandalphon takes a step forward, hesitates and then moves backwards again- caught in an eternal dance of wanting to help someone who is already beyond his reach. 

Even if this Sandalphon is only a dream supplied by his own imagination, Lucifer can no longer sit idly by- he had done that enough in his life. He pushes Not Lucilius’ cold form aside to head straight for Sandalphon. 

“Sandalphon,” he puts a hand on the other’s shoulder, only for it to be slapped away.

He lets out a bitter, ruined laugh. “How many more times must I see this…?”

Lucifer’s mouth runs dry- this is not his dream, but Sandalphon’s.

“I had left you a heavier burden than I realized. I’m sorry.”

The other man jolts and gives him a strange look. “Shut up!” 

Sandalphon squeezes his eyes shut and turns away from Lucifer, but Lucifer catches his arm before he has time to run. The contact brings a jolt of warmth with it- the first touch of another person Lucifer had felt in a long time. 

Sandalphon stares at where Lucifer’s hand meets the flesh of his arm, before looking up to finally, finally meet Lucifer’s gaze. 

“Lucifer…? It can’t be.”

“Death is not too far from sleep, in many ways, My Sandalphon.”

He takes a step towards Lucifer, closing in to run his hands over Lucifer’s face, searching for any sign that this might be yet another apparition. It takes all of Lucifer’s willpower to not just melt into the touch. He settles for taking one of Sandalphon’s hands in his own and holding it where it lay on his cheek. 

Sandalphon touches his forehead to Lucifer’s and breathes a sigh of relief. They stand there for a few moments, basking in the glow of the other’s presence. It had been far too long since that brief coffee in that empty house. Longer still since their long chats in the garden. 

“I’m sorry you had to see that,” Sandalphon starts. “I know you’re at peace now but I-“ 

Lucifer rubs a thumb over Sandalphon’s cheek, smudging any tears away. “I think I too would still be troubled if I had lost you. Do not blame yourself” 

“Even if it’s my fault you died in the first place?” Sandalphon’s eyes flick between Lucifer and the ground a couple of times. He’s trying, at least. 

“After all that I’ve failed you, you mustn’t let yourself hold all the blame.”

“Lucifer, you’ve never-“

“I never had the courage to ask you what went on in the labs- I thought I was giving you a place to step away from it. But perhaps I was trying not to disturb my own peace of mind. Perhaps that’s why I never reached out when you began to pull away as you doubted your purpose.”

Sandalphon trembled against him as the words spilled out.

“I was a coward for not visiting you in pandemonium. After failing you, I couldn’t face you, but that had- that had just hurt you more.” 

“Are you stupid?” Sandalphon grabs his shoulders and shakes him, “Failing someone like me, after I had betrayed you- as if that would ever compare to trying to destroy the world!” 

“You were still my friend, Sandalphon. After all that, you were still my friend,”

Sandalphon’s hands clench themselves into fists, balled on top of Lucifer’s shoulders. “How can you just… forgive me like that? I tried to take away everything you loved. I fought against you. I-“

“I would trust no one else with the destruction of Lucilius’ legacy- and I was right to. I think that’s enough to warrant a second chance.”

Sandalphon let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding. 

“’I will always be your solace,’ was it?” as if he hadn’t been holding those very words close to his heart since their parting.

Lucifer’s smile softens. “No matter what, you can count me among your friends.”

“You and the crew… and even those four… despite everything, I have some good people leading the way” 

“Your new purpose shall surely bring you a lot of new, sights and experiences. You shall surely change the world for the better.”

Sandalphon nods. “I’ll tell you all about it- You still owe me another cup of coffee.”

Lucifer falters at that. His only wish had already been granted- one last cup of coffee with the man he loves. He’s still dead- and he can’t ask Sandalphon to leave the land of the living, not for him. Sandalphon still has such a bright future- he can’t take that away from him. 

He can’t ask for any more than he already has. 

The garden starts to lose focus around him- the colors smudge together and start to swirl into abstract patterns of blue and green. Lucifer loses track of the ground below him as he starts to fall backwards. He can feel the blob that was Sandalphon reach towards him- but it’s too late. 

Lucifer wakes up in an empty house, with words on the tip of his tongue and tears in his eyes. 

He remains in bed for a good few hours (or at least. what passes for them in this timeless realm), eventually rising to make himself a cup of coffee. It’s much too bitter- he needs to improve his cultivation skills. There is plenty of time for that, at least. 

He sits at the table with his full cup of coffee and closes his eyes for a moment. 

Somehow, he can almost hear voices, distant and fragmented as if carried by bubbles underwater. He can pick out the voice of an unfamiliar woman- soft, familiar, almost like Lucilius' first lessons for him, almost how Lucifer imagines skyfarers felt for their compatriots.

_“…. Brought here… this child……… sleeps…”_

Lucifer shakes his head and downs another gulp of the achingly bitter coffee. He shouldn’t be hearing things like this. Loneliness does strange things to the mind (Lucifer had learned that lesson many times in the past two thousand years) 

Perhaps he needs more rest, after a dream like that.


	2. i took the stars from our eyes and made a map

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> important note: this chapter is the reason for all the blood / gore tags, so please use discretion if it's not your thing.
> 
> chapter title is from cosmic love by florence + the machine

The next time he sleeps, Lucifer finds himself standing in front of the cradle. He brushes his hands over the soft pink wings that guard over that which is most precious to him. He truly hopes that wherever he is, Sandalphon’s dreams are peaceful. 

He leans his head up against the cradle. If he had reached out then, would Sandalphon-

A blade pierces his side. 

He doesn’t need to turn around to know that it’s Beelzebub once more. He doesn’t need to- but he does anyway. (He does every time) 

“Don’t bother, you can’t recover from this.” The hooded man can barely keep a grin off of his face. 

Lucifer places a hand over his wound, trying to stem the bleeding. Even if this was but a dream, he could still feel the ache of the chaos twisting in his veins, rending his flesh open and keeping him from regenerating. Every attempt at regeneration brought a new wave of pain. 

The wound itself spurts a black ichor- and Lucifer knows this power, whatever it was Beelzebub had found, had the power to unmake him and corrupt his very flesh. 

Whether or not Lucifer responds, the conversation continues as it had before.

“… I’ve come for Lucilius’ legacy of course. I know you’ve sealed it in here, with yourself as the key”

He knows the blow is coming- just as he knew back then. But any shield- any attack- if there was a fight here, what would happen to the cradle? Even if he managed to get the advantage, the sleeping Sandalphon would easily be collateral damage. 

Beelzebub’s sword buries itself into one of Lucifer’s wings.

“A new age is upon us, whether you like it or not.”

No… another way of dealing with Lucilius’ legacy would be necessary. Lucifer grabs onto Beelzebub’s arm and gives him a great shove, knocking him off balance. 

Ignoring the gnawing ache in his ribs, Lucifer takes off towards the exit. If he could just lead Beelzebub away from the cradle- perhaps he could get a safe distance away. Enough to fight back and end this threat for good.

Lucifer runs for the first bit of the hallway before his veins start to burn from the corruption. It’s almost as if he can feel each individual vein tracing a network of pain around his wound. He doubles over. If he can’t make it far enough to fight safely… he can at least distract Beelzebub from Sandalphon. 

Lucifer uses the wall for support as he drags himself further down the hall. If he could make it to the garden, Sandalphon would surely find him.

This hall had never seemed so long until this moment. How many times had he quickened his pace at the thought of the one waiting for him there? How many times had the walk from the garden to his chambers flown by in discussion with Sandalphon? 

And yet now, every step seemed a little bit slower, and yet the garden seemed just as far away if not even more so than when he had started.

The walls of the hallway seemed to skew themselves into an odd shape before Lucifer found himself tripping over his own feet and sending him to his hands and knees. 

Before he has a chance to right himself, Beelzebub’s foot lands directly onto the already aching wound, knocking Lucifer onto his back. 

He could still see the door to the sanctum- the cradle was still much too close. If he could just hang on long enough to find someone to pass on a message to Sandalphon- that would have to be enough. 

“Never thought I’d see the great Supreme Primarch running with his tail between his legs.” 

Beelzebub digs his heel into Lucifer’s ribs, forcing the wound open just a little more. He binds Lucifer’s hands together before kicking him over, onto his face. 

Lucifer barely has time to cry out before Beelzebub’s hand finds a wing. The blade runs along the bone and sinew of the wing itself, looking for a groove before finally wrenching its way into the joint, cutting through where it’s easiest. He rips the wing off before the blade is fully through the flesh and tosses it aside. 

Glorious white feathers that once shone with divine light now sit dull on the floor, stained with blood and blackened with ichor. 

“To think you were meant to be Lucilius’ greatest creation. A perfect tool to maintain the balance of the world. No wonder he grew tired of you.” 

Lucifer’s cheeks burn against the pool of blood and tears on the cold marble floor. 

If he can just reserve an ounce of his power- just enough to lay his faith in Sandalphon-

Beelzebub’s sword buries itself into a second wing. 

“As long as I have waited for this, you could at least make this more interesting” 

After the third wing, Lucifer feels himself leave his body. There’s still a body on the floor of the hall, letting out awful noises, but Lucifer forces himself to think of that big blue sky- with all those skyfarers mapping every inch, cataloguing the strange and beautiful animals whose pictures Lucifer traced his fingers over in every book he could get his hands on, making new and interesting foods out of the plants they come across.

Lucifer is brought back to the situation at hand when Beelzebub turns him back over, Lucifer’s six wings in a heap nearby. The marble burns at the ragged wounds on his back. 

Beelzebub is crouched above his chest, legs on each side of Lucifer. He grabs Lucifer’s face, fingers digging into his cheeks. 

“I could do more, and I’d like to. But I need to dispose of that head of yours. I suppose this is nicer than dropping you off in the Crimson Horizon,” 

He holds Lucifer’s head in position before starting to dig the blade into his neck. 

“I don’t have to make this fast, though.” 

Lucifer takes a shaky, gasping breath. If Beelzebub takes his time, then that’s more time for Sandalphon. 

Lucifer squeezes his eyes shut.

He can almost hear Lucilius’ voice, “As your creator, I am free to unmake you and repurpose you for better, higher purposes”

Beelzebub pulls the knife out of the small wound in Lucifer’s neck. He raises it up high and-

“Luci….fer?”

No- no this wasn’t the plan. Beelzebub was still here and that weapon could-

“Sandalphon, run.” Lucifer orders with what voice he can manage, after all that screaming. Perhaps it sounds more like begging.

But Beelzebub is gone, somehow, and Lucifer finds himself lifted into the embrace of gentle arms wrapped around him. He almost melts into the warmth that this contact brings him, the ache of the black ichor fading away into a dull hum. 

One arm hooks under him, propping him up enough to be held closer to Sandalphon’s face. The other hand tenderly brushes the hair out of Lucifer’s face and press their foreheads together once more. 

“Lucifer, hey… Stay with me.” Sandalphon’s voice is smaller and shakier than Lucifer had ever heard it before. 

He hadn’t meant for Sandalphon to see him like this. 

Lucifer, the Supreme Primarch, he who commanded the archangels, he who held the balance of the world in his hands, he who could bring light into the world with but a single world…. Now lying in a crumpled and bloody heap in an empty hallway.

He must still be shaking because Sandalphon holds him a little closer to his chest. 

“It’s just a dream, Lucifer, you’ll be okay. It’s just a dream.” 

“… ‘s not quite that.” Lucifer manages to croak out. 

Sandalphon stills, surveying the room around them. A trail of blood leading from the shrine, Lucifer’s wings bloodied and dull in a pile nearby, a sword wound on Lucifer’s neck. 

“This is….. That Day. I didn’t- I hadn’t-“ 

“Not your fault.” 

“I thought it had been a surprise attack- a quick beheading- He spent all that time- and I was just there. /Sleeping/.”

“Safe… That was enough.”

Sandalphon’s face twists through a series of emotions- disbelief, anger, confusion, before finally settling on sadness. 

“How could you put up with all this…? Why didn’t you fight back…?”

“Had to protect cradle. Needed to pass everything on.”

Sandalphon’s face wrenches up- about to protest when Lucifer continues. 

“Not your fault. This is what I decided. I wanted you to be safe… I wanted you to get a second chance.” Lucifer swallows a bit, trying to get his body to cooperate. “I made sure he didn’t lay a hand on you.” And he would never regret that. 

Sandalphon holds him a little tighter, and somehow, it doesn’t hurt. 

“I just wanted you to be safe too.” Sandalphon’s hand brushes over his cheek like Lucifer is the most precious thing in the world, despite him laying here tainted and falling apart- likely the source of yet another nightmare for Sandalphon. 

“Somehow… I think you must be kinder than me,” Lucifer speaks.

“You can’t be serious-“

“I had already put you through so much. I couldn’t imagine watching you die. And here you are- helping me without hesitation.” 

“Even though you were dying, even though I hadn’t proven I wanted to redeem myself, you were still thinking of me. You still had faith in me.”

Lucifer’s hand shakes as he slowly reaches up to cup Sandalphon’s face in return. There is so much to say, but hardly any words that seemed adequate. He runs his finger over Sandalphon’s lower lip. 

He pulls his hand away. Perhaps this would be too unfair to push all this onto Sandalphon.

Sandalphon is quiet for a moment, mouth open as if he’s about to speak. Perhaps he too can’t find the right words. 

“If I had awoken earlier, would I have been able to save you…?”

“I don’t know- you would’ve had to face him. Maybe I could’ve helped. You would’ve tried, I know that much. Even if you had driven him off, I don’t know about the wounds.”

“The Captain, Lyria, and the others. They wouldn’t have given up on you either.”

“The Captain, no longer simply The Singularity” Lucifer’s smile softens. “I’m glad you’ve found such loyal friends.” 

“The crew would welcome you too”

Lucifer says nothing. 

Sandalphon struggles for words until he finally settles on changing the topic. 

“Your quarters are near here, right?”

Lucifer is caught off guard. “Yes?”

“You must be uncomfortable on the floor- I’ll take you there.”

“Alright.”

Lucifer lets out a hiss when Sandalphon readjusts him in his arms, hooking Lucifer’s arm over his shoulder. With a good push, Sandalphon has them both on their feet. Lucifer is tall enough that he’s bent quite far over so that he can rest most of his weight on the other man. 

Lucifer can barely manage to stand let alone move. But Sandalphon’s support, his strong arm holding Lucifer up, it feels like home- and Lucifer can use that feeling. 

The scenery shifts around them- the empty hallway shrinks to the size of a small room. The cold marble walls shift to warm wooden bookshelves filled with official books, and some permanently-borrowed-without-permission skyfarer books and maps Lucifer had taken from the library. 

Lucifer’s used to being the only living organism in the room and yet- vines of honeysuckle wind their way up his bookshelves, tendrils curling over books. Their white flowers flood the room with their sweet scent. Carnations sprout from the wooden frame of his bed, bursting open in pink and two toned blooms. The window that usually displayed the empty skies around Canaan now gaze upon that familiar garden. 

His two homes- mixed and blended together into one.

“I didn’t expect it to be this beautiful,” Sandalphon lets out a soft gasp.

Lucifer’s gaze never leaves Sandalphon’s face, “It has never been this beautiful before.”

His legs falter for a moment, and Sandalphon catches him. With utmost care, he settles Lucifer in his own bed. He hesitates at the side of the bed before Lucifer takes his hand into his own. 

“Stay,” Lucifer’s voice is quiet, but it resonates within Sandalphon’s soul. 

Once certain that the injured Lucifer is stable where he sits, Sandalphon tucks himself into the larger man’s side. Lucifer instantly rests his head on Sandalphon’s shoulder, as if it was a pillow. 

Sandalphon mirrors the movement, resting his head upon Lucifer’s. 

“This room is emptier than I would’ve thought”

“Trinkets were deemed unnecessary.”

“I’ll have to bring you souvenirs from my travels, then”

The impossible promise still brings some solace to Lucifer’s heart. He smiles a little. “Thank you for turning this into a nice dream, Sandalphon.”

“I’m returning the favor from earlier”

They remain like this, tucked into the other’s side, basking in the warmth the other brings to this illusory world. 

When Lucifer finally wakes- his eyes are dry, but his cheeks are wet. Glancing beside himself to see an empty bed, he feels an ache in his core.

He sets about the daily work- weed, water the crops, trim the branches, maintaining the trellises, the daily cycle continues. There’s no need for pesticides or fertilizer, everything he needs is already provided. The weeds never threaten his plants- just enough appear to fill a few hours. He’s not sure if this exercise is fulfilling or empty. At least nobody gets hurt. That’s enough. 

Perhaps he should branch out from vegetables and coffee beans to flowers. He was always fond of carnations.

His hands are in the dirt of a new bed when another unfamiliar voice overtakes his senses. 

While the sound is still muffled and in bits and pieces, the speaker is new. She sounds young and confident, Lucifer could imagine her having a sharp grin. 

_“…body?… interesting challenge… astral scum will look like child’s play… “_

When he opens his eyes, the new flower seeds are already provided- sitting at the edge of the bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> still with me?
> 
> yeah i just. i think a lot about belial's line about Lucifer being unable to do anything bc he had to protect the cradle. and then combining that with how much time Beelzebub had there- and how Sandalphon has to go looking for Lucifer after he leaves the cradle. 
> 
> it all just breaks my heart.


	3. because i am unloved

“Relationships are nothing more than simple economics,” Lucilius explained in his deep voice. 

Back then, Lucifer and Belial had hung onto every word, every lesson Lucilius could give to his newest creations, the pinnacles of his achievement, the proof that he truly was a genius among Astrals. 

Lucifer had loved him- his creator, the one who had breathed life into him, given him form and purpose, who had taught him everything he knew. 

And yet- he was also the one who had taken everything away from Lucifer. 

“Every interaction you will have with another being will, at its core, be nothing more than goods and services. Foolish as it is, emotions are a particularly valuable commodity. But even the best of friends, the most devoted of lovers, the closest of family, if the costs outweigh the benefits- they will leave.”

“Everything is a transaction” 

Even now, Lucifer knows this to be true. Lucilius and Belial had had their own goals, and so their friendship with Lucifer had to end. The archangels had their hierarchy and their duty to mind to, a friendship with Lucifer would’ve been a mere distraction. Sandalphon… Sandalphon’s purpose had been to replace him. The pain of walking alongside Lucifer had been too much and so- 

Lucifer finds himself staring at Lucilius’ many, many piles of notes strewn around the dark study. In every memory of his, the curtains were always drawn shut- Lucilius had much preferred the candlelight against the dark mahogany and bookshelves of the study. And Lucifer had left him to his privacy.

But after what Lucifer had seen in the depths of the lab- an empty creature borne of the cores of his comrades and the fallen. He needed an explanation.

For the first time in millennia, Lucifer yanked open the curtains and started to pour through the documents. 

_“Hypothesis: A great amount of emotional distress can lead to becoming Fallen. Limit unknown. Will test in great detail”_

How could this be?

_“How much physical pain can one endure before becoming fallen?”_

These were their comrades.

_“Use of chaos and ichor to augment the physical abilities of the fallen. Side effects are numerous, but manageable seeing as these subjects are disposable”_

Their friends. 

_"Rebellion was a success- many cores from both sides gathered for Avatar. Lucifer’s ranks thinned, lowering chances of successful retaliation if he interferes”_

Why hadn’t anyone stopped these experiments?

Lucifer rips through the pages for any mention of this Avatar, any explanation for the rebellion, any reason for torturing his friends- his comrades- There had to be a benefit to all this. Anything. 

“Avatar,” Lucilius’ cold voice stopped Lucifer in his tracks. His creator leaned against the doorway, looking as if he was a simple observer and not the one tearing everything apart. 

“My greatest creation. I gathered the cores of the obsolete archangels and fallen, combining them into a creature that could face god himself.”

“Lucilius, my friend, what are you talking about?” 

Lucilius steps on the papers, crumpling them under his feet as he makes his way over to Lucifer. 

“God gave us life, but no freedom. We are naught but playthings stuck repeating the same motions over and over again. Without point or end.” Lucilius stands tall, appearing as a but a shadow against the light background of the open window. “And yet- he abandoned this realm. What a farce” 

He raises his arms out as if gesturing to this entire universe. 

“Avatar shall deliver me unto etemenanki and I shall end this farce, once and for all” For once, Lucifer could hear a smile in Lucilius’ voice.

Still sitting among Lucilius’ many papers, Lucifer gazes up at his creator, a chill running up his spine. Had Lucilius truly gone mad?

“My friend, have you not said I am the pinnacle of your creations? A supreme primarch amongst angels, meant to watch over and protect the world. This is our goal,” Lucifer gets to his feet and grabs Lucilius by his shoulders. 

Lucilius looks upon him with disgust. 

“Nothing more than a puppet. You are scarcely more than an attempt at a more perfect version of myself. Created without feelings, without free will. A tool meant to balance the world. Fool that I was, I thought you might be able to grow and think outside of your purpose. But you are as empty as I had originally intended.” 

Lucifer is rendered speechless by the outburst. 

“I wasted millennia hoping I could build something out of you- but all I did was gaze upon a more perfect version of myself. A simple puppet without feeling or desire. And to think I called you the pinnacle of my achievements! I’ll destroy you with the rest of this wretched realm.”

Lucifer pushes Lucilius to the floor, pinning him down alongside all his cruel experiments. How could he have been so blind to all this?

“I cannot let you do this, Lucilius.”

“I have been planning this for thousands of years. There is little you can do to stop me. Even if you raise your sword against me, there are those who would continue my work.” His deep voice has taken a raspy tone to it.

“For the sake of this world, I will stop them as well, old friend.” 

Lucifer unsheathes his sword and raises it up. 

“Making you was my greatest mistake,” Lucilius spits the words up at him. “Every moment I spent with you was just a reminder of our imperfections. A waste of my time and resources”

Lucifer brings the blade down, severing Lucilius’ head from his body with a clean cut. There was no need to draw it out. He had no desire to watch his creator suffer.

He stared up at the window, at the blue sky. Even if he was a mistake, even if he was never worth the costs he brought to other people, he could still ensure that life under that sky thrived. 

He had to dispose of the body, seal off what remained of Lucilius’ legacy.

Lucilius’ eyes rolled back towards him before it began to parrot his last words. “Making you was my greatest mistake…. A waste of my time and resources”

Lucifer looked away only to see Belial cradling another Lucilius’ head in his arms, tenderly stroking the blood and hair from Lucilius’ lifeless face. This Belial let out a cold laugh.

“I knew what He had been doing all along, Supreme Primarch. Whatever He decided didn’t really matter to me, just as long as we could see it together. But now you’ve gone and taken that from me. And here I thought we were friends”

Not too far from Belial, the four tetra-Primarchs stood at perfect attention.

They spoke in perfect unison, “I apologize for disturbing you, Supreme Primarch”

How many times had he heard that phrase…? How many times had his very presence stifled their laughter and chilled their smiles…? They could be friends amongst themselves, but the presence of the Supreme Primarch always meant work was at hand. 

Lucifer’s gaze fell upon Sandalphon. Another illusion, most likely. He didn’t want to get his hopes up- he braced himself for what this Sandalphon had to say. The distance between them had been entirely of Lucifer’s own making, after all. 

This Sandalphon crouched down to where Lucifer sat over Lucilius’ body. His eyes took a slow stock of the room, Lucilius’ head separated from his body and still glaring at Lucifer, Belial clutching another Lucilius’ and staring at Lucifer in cold disdain, the tetra primarchs stuck at full attention. 

Finally, Sandalphon meets Lucifer’s eyes.

“You were just as alone as I was- I never noticed. I’m sorry.”

Lucifer exhaled and shook his head. “I admit for all my powers I cannot see into the hearts of others. I missed your pain and the darkness growing in Belial and Lucilius’ hearts. And yet, I had thought the three of you my closest friends.”

“As open as the crew are, I don’t think even they can really see into anyone’s hearts. Not really, at least. And yet- they still trust. They even trusted I would do right by this world after all that I had done to them.”

“For all my studies, I don’t think I understand the economics of it all,” Lucifer closes his eyes. “Everything I brought to the table was never quite enough to outweigh the costs”

Sandalphon is quiet for a moment, and Lucifer takes the opportunity to get off of Lucilius’ body and sit down in front of Sandalphon, next to the body of the man who had made and unmade them both. The man who had loved and unloved Lucifer. 

“What do economics have to do with all of this?”

Lucifer’s voice takes on a deep, raspy tinge. “Every interaction is, at its heart, an exchange of goods and services.”

“You don’t believe that.”

Lucifer shook his head. “That’s the nature of this world.”

“You don’t live like that, Lucifer. Think about it. Sparing me each time I tried to destroy the world? I was among the fallen then- I killed our friends and I was ready to help Lucilius destroy everything. And during the cataclysm… I hadn’t changed. There’s no way the costs didn’t outweigh the benefits”

Lucifer hesitated. “You still had potential.”

“Sacrificing yourself for me even though you personally stopping the hooded man and Belial there would’ve been objectively better for the world?”

It is a fair point- if he had stopped Beelzebub where he stood, Lucilius’ grand finale would’ve been stopped. Belial would’ve lost a key player and likely wouldn’t have gotten another chance to strike at the key to Avatar for a while. 

But the cost of losing Sandalphon… (Did it really outweigh the world? Lucifer never really understood the economics of it all) 

“I had faith that you and the Singularity could stop them without you dying. That’s why.”

Sandalphon let out a deep sigh at that. “Faith doesn’t sound much like economics, Lucifer.”

Lucifer pauses at that. “I suppose not.”

Sandalphon scratches his head and tries for a final approach. “Sharing coffee with me, even though neither of us gained anything other than a little company?

Lucifer meets his eyes. 

“You had better things to do, papers to focus on, more important astrals and primarchs to build relationships. But you chose me, the lab rat, the spare.”

“You were lonely too. Perhaps I could see myself in you.” 

“But that’s not economics.”

Everyone had wants, Lucilius was right as far as that went. But that didn’t determine everything about relationships- Sandalphon and Lucifer had merely wanted company, to be understood by another. Could he really break that down into giving and taking? 

He hadn’t been tabulating costs and benefits when he decided not to fight back on That Day- he simply wanted to save Sandalphon. That was it. 

Getting the primarchs to cede their roles and let the skyfarers control their own destiny was a mutually beneficial decision- but Lucifer had, personally, wanted to give the primarchs a chance to live their own lives. 

Lucifer let out a broken little laugh and covers his face. “I had spent all this time tabulating everything- and when the math didn’t line up, I thought it was /me/. I missed that our wishes were the same.”

But here he was- realizing this all when he was dead and no longer able to maintain these connections and relationships. 

Sandalphon pulls him into his arms, and Lucifer can feel the warmth coursing its way through his body like a hot drink on a cold day, radiating out from the center of his chest until he can feel it in the tips of his fingers and toes.

Lucifer had never felt so alive in the last two thousand years. 

But it cannot be. 

“You have rebuilt yourself into an amazing person, Sandalphon”

Acknowledgement, that which Sandalphon had craved for his entire existence. Lucifer could see water form in the other’s eyes before he rested his forehead on Lucifer’s shoulder. He gently carded his fingers through Sandalphon’s hair.

“You needn’t hide your tears. From the very start, I should have told you how your very presence brought me peace. That I didn’t need you to be useful to me for me to value you. Even after the rebellion and the cataclysms, I hoped there would be some way you could find happiness.”

The arms around Lucifer’s waist tightened, and Sandalphon let out a shaky little sob in response. 

“Even in your own nightmare, here you are comforting me,” his voice is wet and wobbly, “Lucifer… you’ve always been more than what that man made you to be.”

Sandalphon, bleary eyed and blotchy faced, still makes the effort to meet Lucifer’s eyes, and Lucifer is floored. 

“Lucilius’ greatest creation, Lucilius’ self-admitted mistake. Can he get any more egotistical?” Sandalphon’s voice is still rough, “You’re your own person. You gave everything you could to stop him and destroy his legacy, isn’t that enough? The sky is now following _your_ vision, not his. He should be so lucky to think you’re a mistake- because you stopped him.”

Of course, he somehow sees into Lucifer’s heart, they are sitting in his nightmare, after all. Perhaps they had finally gotten better at communicating. Too little, too late. But this still brings his heart some solace. 

“’Your guiding light’, was it?”

“Yeah. You will always be my guiding light, My Lucifer” Sandalphon’s face was close enough that if Lucifer leaned over, perhaps he could- No, he shouldn’t.

“Thank you, My Sandalphon,”

Lucifer moves his head away from Sandalphon’s face to rest his forehead on Sandalphon’s shoulder. 

They bask in the other’s warmth until Lucifer wakes. 

A chilled breeze seems to circulate around the house, and Lucifer feels the need to wrap himself up in a sweater before making his coffee. 

What is he to do now that his dreams are less restful than his waking moments?

When he finally settles down with his coffee, he is hit with a searing headache. 

The voices, still muffled, are louder now- taking over every sensation he has. The cocky girl and the soft woman are in conversation now, but Lucifer can still only pick out snippets. 

_“… won’t wake up… everything we need…. Makes no sense… “_

_“… wishes to sleep…… this child…”_

With this, the headache leaves and Lucifer is left to naught but the rustling of trees in this empty realm. 

When Lucifer finally brings the cup to his lips he finds that the coffee is lukewarm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm honestly! really intrigued by the complexities of Lucifer and Lucilius' relationship! 
> 
> lucifer being caught between anger at all that lucilius has done to hurt people... and being unable to fully reconcile it with the image of Lucilius as his creator / mentor / oldest friend. 
> 
> and lucilius starting out with genuine affection and pride over his creation + then turning into unspoken resentment because lucifer's perfection highlights his own flaws + his own status as an imperfect clone
> 
> it's just. messy.
> 
> title of this chapter is from "As Far As I Could Get" by Florence + The Machine


	4. i hope it gets to you on some pacific wind

Canaan lays empty under a red sky. 

Strings hang from every one of his joints and trails behind him. If Lucifer were to tug at them, he is sure he would come apart. 

He wanders the halls in search of life- hopefully pleasant apparitions and not the frequent nightmares. Lucifer reminds himself to not get his hopes up about the real Sandalphon- a sweet surprise is always more palatable than the bitterness of disappointment. He can’t rely on Sandalphon to chase all of his nightmares away. That would be too much to ask.

His pulse flutters when he sees another figure, lying prone on the floor. 

She is lying face down on the floor, her dusk colored hair spread around her- she too has strings hanging off of her limbs, each connected back to a series of wooden bars. Lucifer gently turns Olivia over and realizes he’s still very much alone. Her eyes are glassy and lifeless, and she’s made of a porcelain held together in rigid joints in a mockery of flesh. 

Lucifer turns away. 

His travels through the halls reveal more and more of these puppets bearing the visages of his fallen friends.

Olivia. Azazel. Belphegor. Abaddon. He knows every one of their names. So many archangels now reduced to a select few- all the others hidden away in pandemonium, thrown to the ends of the skies, slain with Lucifer’s own blade and righteous flame.

He wanders Canaan in search of something familiar. 

The tetra primarchs are gone- every trace of them has been cleared from these halls. Yes, this place is only for the dead now. 

Belial lays prone in the study- jointed legs piled over one another at odd angles, arm outstretched towards a head with white hair. 

Despite everything, Lucifer cannot leave him like that. 

He leans his fabricated former friend up against a bookshelf, righting the joints to a more comfortable looking seated pose. And yet- despite the sculpted smile on the porcelain face, he seems no more at rest than before. 

_“Cilius,”_ the carved teeth chatter, but the lips never move. _“Cilius”_

Lucifer picks up the head off the floor- an exquisitely carved parody of his creator. 

_“When he said you might be dangerous, I figured we could handle it. Even you might have trouble raising your sword against your own dear creator.”_ The teeth start to chatter again.

Lucifer feels cold needles start to prick at his finger tips and toes, slowly working his way up his limbs. 

_“Freedom. Don’t make me laugh- Primals are nothing more than their purpose. Protecting evolution and the world is your job, and boy, you followed it to a T. Sentimentality doesn’t suit you Lucifer- Sandalphon? All locked up. And now you’ve gone and killed poor Cilius. There really isn’t anything you wouldn’t do for your duty.”_

His vision starts to go black around the edges, narrowing down into a hazy circle around Belial. 

_“This was meant to be our salvation- a way to break the cycle, freeing us from our masters, making us more than weapons. And now, everyone will simply go back to their roles. Only this time you’ll be the master instead of Cilius”_

_“That’s what he designed you for, after all.”_

Lucifer drops the head, letting it roll to Belial’s feet. Lucilius’ porcelain face shatters where it hits the floor, knocking one of his glass eyes out to roll across the floor and look straight at Lucifer. The gaze is no different than if he was still alive. Lucifer turns away to leave the room. 

The teeth chatter on. 

_“That’s what he designed you for, after all”_

Trying to put as many rooms between them as he can, Lucifer is walking too fast. He can feel the strings on his limbs dragging and catching on the ground. He has to- He has to find- He doesn’t know. He just has to get away. 

Every friend he’s ever had, every comrade save a select few, even himself. All sacrificed for his duty. 

Why burden him with sentience if he was made to sacrifice everything for the balance of the world? Wouldn’t an impartial machine do a better job? 

If all this was truly what he was made for, then why was he haunted by nightmares?

No matter which way he turns, Lucifer is drawn to the entrance to the shrine. Something is calling him- and yet. He cannot quite get himself to cross the threshold just yet. 

Lucilius is sitting on the stairs carving a set of wooden bars from one of the garden trees. Lucifer wouldn’t be surprised if the proportions matched up with his own strings.

Lucifer isn’t sure how long he stands there before his thoughts are interrupted by a voice-

“Are all of your dreams like this?” 

Lucifer doesn’t look away from the doorway. “Not always.”

Sandalphon sighs and grabs his hand, turning Lucifer to face him. “I have nightmares too, you know.”

“You needn’t worry about me, Sandalphon. I am truly at peace.”

Lucifer can’t read the expression that crosses Sandalphon’s face before he turns away and starts pulling Lucifer down the hallway by his arm, rattling the joint. He can feel the warmth radiating up his body from where Sandalphon’s hand met his own.

“You don’t need to always hide your concerns and pretend like everything is fine, Lucifer. I thought we were supposed to be equals, now. Partners share what they need, even if it’s vulnerabilities.”

Partners? Lucifer feels a strange fluttering in his chest. 

They stop in front of Sandalphon’s room.

Sandalphon lets go of his hand, and Lucifer follows him inside. They both settle on the bed, facing one another. 

“Lucifer, you’ve seen me at my worst- a traitor, a villain, a kid lost in his nightmares. And you’ve helped me every single time. Now, I’ve seen some of your worst too. But I can’t help you if you stamp it all down.”

“You have plenty of other things to worry about. There are greater tragedies in this world than the regrets of a dead man,”

“Just because there are worse things out there doesn’t negate your own pain, Lucifer!”

Lucifer shook his head. “Nothing more can happen to me, and Lucilius’ legacy is gone, and you are safe. That’s all I can ask for.”

Sandalphon’s face twists again in an unreadable expression. He starts pulling at the strings attached to Lucifer’s wrists. The strings stay put, wound deep into Lucifer’s core.

“Don’t you understand? Just as you want to protect me, I want to protect you. You’re precious to me, Lucifer.”

Oh. 

Oh, this all should’ve been so obvious, and yet.

Lucifer places his free hand on Sandalphon’s and leans over to kiss him. Sandalphon’s hands grow still, as he sighs softly into the kiss.

Truly, Lucifer knows this is unfair of him. He had failed his duty as a primarch- leaving all of his responsibilities behind and his role unfinished. He had hurt the one dearest to him with his selfishness- thinking only of maintaining his own pleasure and not taking Sandalphon’s concerns into consideration. And so-

He pulls away.

“This will have to be enough,” he tenderly cupped Sandalphon’s face. 

These stolen moments in passing nightmares, waking up alone with the thought that one day, however long away, Sandalphon would leave that beautiful world to retire with Lucifer. If, somehow, he didn’t find more reasons to live in that world. If he didn’t find someone else who could actually journey by his side.

Lucifer had failed his duty and died doing so. How could he possibly-

“You don’t mean that.” Sandalphon’s grip burned his skin. “You gave everything to protect the world. Even when you were dying- you thought only of me, after everything I did to you. The only selfish thing you’ve ever let yourself have is coffee with me. How is that fair?”

Oh. 

After everything, Sandalphon still has a way of striking right to his core. No longer a puppet with torn strings, Lucifer is flesh once more. A tear rolls down an untrodden path on Lucifer’s burning cheek, and many more follow in its trail. Even in the desperation of battle, his breath had remained even- but now his chest shudders and stutters in ugly gasps. He reaches up a hand to stem the steady flow of tears but is stopped by Sandalphon wiping his cheek.

Sandalphon doesn’t need to say another word for the dam to break.

Words start to pour out of Lucifer, “Truly, I want to be there with you, under that ever-changing sky. I want to make coffee with you every day. I want to meet your friends. I want to wake up next to you. I want to patch your wounds after battle. I want to help rebuild the sky with you. But I-“

Sandalphon gently places a hand over his mouth. 

“I want that too, Lucifer. Even after these nightmares, even after these visions of you, I want to wake up next to you. I want you to be able to finally live under the sky you gave /everything/ for,” his voice cracks, “You deserve happiness.”

In all the millennia he had lived, Lucifer truly had never been told that before. 

How was Lucifer to go back to that empty realm knowing that it would never, truly be enough? How was he to wake up alone again?

Lucifer runs his thumb over Sandalphon’s cheek, “I would give anything to see that sky with you, my partner. To live amongst skyfarers as friends and comrades. To understand the other primarchs as equals. To grow and evolve alongside you all.”

His face is blotchy and red, his eyes bloodshot, his nose running, and yet- Sandalphon looks at him as if he was still the very image of beauty. 

“Then don’t let go, Lucifer. Hold onto that. These wishes, these desires, they’re what make us people. You don’t have to face it all alone anymore.” Sandalphon wraps his arms around Lucifer, pulling him close before enveloping them both in his mismatched wings (freely given by those who had believed in him).

He had once told a young disciple about the strength and beauty that came from the skyfarers’ drive to stand together in the face of all that they cannot do alone. That crew… Sandalphon truly had become one of them, and Lucifer wanted to see what that truly meant. 

“I won’t let go.” Lucifer pulls his arms around Sandalphon’s waist in a tight embrace. 

Safe in the primarch’s wings, Lucifer feels the world around them fade into the haziness of dawn. 

Lucifer keeps his eyes shut, not ready to go back to that empty room in that empty house. Perhaps after he allowed himself a good cry, he’d try to come up with a new strain of coffee tree. 

And yet- a deep feeling in his core told them that this was different, somehow.

He opens his eyes to a strange, ramshackle room- partly built out of a natural cave and hastily put together with a strange and patchwork collection of furniture in styles Lucifer wasn’t familiar with. The air itself seems crisper- and this place felt /safe/ in a way that reverberated straight to his core. 

He gets up off the bed, only to find his legs as shaky as a newborn baby’s. Before he could take a step or even get his bearings, his legs give out under him and he sinks right down to the ground beside the bed. 

Lucifer reaches towards the bed in an attempt to pull himself up. If he could somehow make it to the door. As his gaze move towards the exit, the door flings open and Lucifer’s breath catches in his throat.

Sandalphon.

The other primarch stares at Lucifer for a long moment before crossing the room in a near run and tackling Lucifer into a tight embrace. Every nerve ending in Lucifer blossoms with warmth- he can feel the hot breath of Sandalphon rustling the hairs on his neck, the way Sandalphon’s chest shook with tears, the way Sandalphon’s fingers stroked through his hair.

“Is this-“ 

“Welcome home, Lucifer.”

Lucifer feels tears welling up in his eyes once more. “I’m home, Sandalphon.”

“Welcome home, Lucifer,” Sandalphon is grinning widely, despite tears in his eyes. 

Lucifer runs his fingers down Sandalphon’s cheek before pressing their lips together. “I’m home, Sandalphon”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised it would be a fix it fic, didn't I? 
> 
> i wanted to go a little more into the complexities of Lucifer's relationships with the other primarchs- having seen them as comrades for many millennia and then having that all change. Canaan must've seemed pretty empty after the astrals and the other primarchs disappeared.
> 
> i also just. really wanted to get lucifer to a point where he can finally /admit/ what he wants. he's still got a long way to go, but this is a start.
> 
> anyways! what's left after this will be an epilogue.
> 
>  
> 
> chapter title from "wish that you were here" by Florence + The Machine


	5. home

Lucifer couldn’t stand back up. 

It was a strange feeling, having Sandalphon realize Lucifer was weak and immediately moving to help him back up onto the bed, tucking Lucifer in with great care. Lucifer had never gotten sick, nor had an injury he couldn’t heal himself (outside his final one), nor given anyone a reason to take care of him like this. And yet-

Sandalphon settled onto the bed, a warm and pleasant presence sitting right next to him. 

“What happened?” Lucifer’s throat felt a little dry, and he was sure it came out in his voice. 

“I suppose I owe you an explanation.”

“In this situation, I believe I’m the one in debt to you, Sandalphon”

Sandalphon snorted. “This was as much for me as it was for you.”

“Nevertheless, I’m truly thankful.” Lucifer took a brief moment to clear his throat. 

“I’ll get you some water- and… it’s not just my story to tell. I’ll be back soon, okay?” 

A soft smile bloomed on Lucifer’s face before he nodded. Somehow in Lucifer’s absence, Sandalphon had learned to care for others. He felt his core do a small flip in the realization that he now had the opportunity to see all these new sides of Sandalphon, to see how Sandalphon has grown and changed under the ever changing blue sky, and perhaps even experience these things for himself. 

Sandalphon returned with a mug of water in hand and a set of two women- one was incredibly tall, likely taller than Lucifer himself, with the lower body of a snake and a smile that made Lucifer feel at home. The second was a rather short young woman with a wide grin that belied a vast wealth of experience. 

Lucifer mustered what strength he had to do a little half bow towards the women as greeting. 

“None of this would’ve happened without these two,” Sandalphon started. “This is Echidna, the primal beast of motherhood. And-“

“The Greatest Alchemist Who Ever Lived, The World’s Number 1 Cutest Girl, and Supreme Genius, Cagliostro” The shorter girl bounced on her feet before performing a little pose where she pointed at her face and winked. 

Lucifer gave a slow blink before managing “I’m honored to meet you both. I am truly grateful for your assistance.”

“I simply seek to help all my children who need me,” Echidna returned the bow. 

Cagliostro waved her hand dismissively before stepping closer to prod at Lucifer, “I couldn’t give up this opportunity to learn more about how primarchs are made. Tell me- how does this body feel?”

Lucifer stayed perfectly still, this was far from the first examination he’d had to grit his teeth and sit through. “It feels acceptable? Though I believe I am quite weak.”

Cagliostro pulled out a notebook and began to scribble in it. “You’ll likely need time to get used to the new body.” She tapped her pen to Lucifer’s neck. “And this connection?”

Connection? Lucifer rubbed his neck where she had touched, finding the mottled and bumpy texture of a stitched scar. Ah. 

Sandalphon sighed loudly at that. 

Cagliostro took a step back. “Yes yes, we’re here to explain everything to Sunspot here.”

Sunspot? 

“Sandalphon, my child, I think the story best starts with you.” Echidna placed a hand on his shoulder, earning a shaky exhale from the smaller man. 

Sandalphon settled back down on the bed, allowing Lucifer to lean against his shoulder a little bit. He offered the water mug to Lucifer’s waiting hands, only to find that Lucifer’s fingers lacked the strength to properly hold it. He helped Lucifer take a drink before he started his story. 

Sandalphon took another shaky breath.

“After everything, I went back to clean up Canaan. I realized you still hadn’t been laid to rest, after everything you’d done. It was still- in that shrine, alone,” he took a breath and stilled himself, “I thought, with its warm and safe aura, and the verdant greenery, you might’ve liked Bestia Island.”

Lucifer gave his hand a small squeeze. 

“I went to ask the primal beast of this island- Echidna- where I could bury you. I wanted to find a nice spot for a memorial, where you could see the blue sky and other primals thriving. I thought you’d like that.”

“I would’ve loved that very much, Sandalphon”

“I took you to her and well. She knows a lot about primals.” Sandalphon’s gaze drifted up to Echidna. 

“As a mother, I try my best to figure out how to help all my children. Few know this but, primals don’t truly die.”

Lucifer blinked at that. “I lost my core- I didn’t think we could recover from that.”

“Not normally, no… But somehow, your head had remained. You had simply fallen into a deep sleep with nowhere to return to.”

Lucifer’s eyes met Sandalphon’s. “That’s why you sought me out in dreams”

“That- that was a happy accident. I think it was because of our proximity and the aura of this island.”

“A happy accident is an interesting way of putting it,” Lucifer laughed softly. 

Cagliostro’s ever present grin grew wider. “And since you needed a core and a new body, they turned to me. I really couldn’t resist building upon and improving those fool Astrals’ research. I didn’t even need to turn to unethical research to build you one”

“You both barely even know me,” he hesitated. “To go this far for a complete stranger, skyfarers truly are special.”

Cagliostro flicked his forehead a little, earning a snort from Sandalphon. 

“You’re one of us now, Lucifer. We all have our reasons for wanting you here.” Sandalphon squeezed his hand tightly, and Lucifer could feel the warmth radiating from it. 

Lucifer swallowed heavily. Crying in the privacy of a nightmare was one thing… but here on display in front of others? He couldn’t. 

Sensing the shift, Cagliostro took pity on him. “You’re a stubborn one, Sunspot. Even with a brand new body and core attached to your old head, you didn’t want to wake up.”

Lucifer closed his eyes and leaned back. “So I was in a prison of my own making…”

These words earned him a gentle nudge from Sandalphon. “You got yourself out though. I only reached out, you were the one who took my hand and didn’t let go.” _You were the one that kissed me._ Despite the words staying unsaid on Sandalphon’s part, Lucifer could hear it loud and clear.

Echidna and Cagliostro shared a glance. 

“I’ll wait a little longer to start my examination of how you’re settling into the new body. Sandalphon can come and fetch me when you’re ready, but I’d like to do it within the next day, to make sure everything is okay.” Cagliostro snapped her notebook shut. 

Echidna’s voice was soft. “You’re welcome to stay here as long as you need to recover.”

“Thank you. Truly I don’t know how to repay all that you’ve done”

“A mother’s love needs no repayment. Only for her child to grow and thrive, as I know you will”

“I truly hope I can be as kind and loving as you are, Echidna.”

“From what I’ve heard of you, you’ve done more than enough to make me proud.” She ruffled Lucifer’s hair before slithering off with Cagliostro following after her. 

The room fell into silence after that. 

Lucifer chose to break the silence after a good few moments. “I hope I was not too forward.” 

The other man vigorously shook his head. “We promised to retire together in the afterlife before any of this… I’m. Your forwardness made me very happy, Lucifer.”

“You’re right,” Lucifer was sure his smile was leaking into his voice. How could it not? “If it’s not too much to ask, I would like to cohabitate with you, even if it is a little earlier than we had planned then.”

“I’d like that very much.” Lucifer could see the tips of Sandalphon’s ears turning red, and felt his own burning in return. 

He rested his head on Sandalphon’s shoulder, and found Sandalphon mirroring the movement. 

“When they stop by again, most of the crew is going to insist on meeting you… But you just need to give me a look and I’ll tell them to buzz off and let you rest when you need rest.”

“I didn’t know I left that sort of impact…”

“You’re like the rest of us- you loved and cared for the skies, and fought to defend it with all your might. They’ll love you, Lucifer, as much as I do.”

“As much as you do? That might be a tall order.”

Sandalphon turned bright red at that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the whole "sunspot" nickname comes from thistlesloth's lovely Reverse Engineering and her galaxy brain. 
> 
> Thank you for sticking with this story!! There's so much i still want to do with this au and lucifer- so I'm going to do a sequel and keep building upon this!!


End file.
